A learning experience... Posted: Mar 3, 2010 at 11:52 AM
Veterinarian School Dead Cow Lecture > > > > First-year students at the vet school were attending their first anatomy > class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table > with the body covered with a white sheet. > > The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary Medicine > it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first > is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body". For > an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the > butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go > ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. > > The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually > took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it. > > When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, "The > second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle > finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's > tough, but it's even tougher if you're stupid.."
Re: Miscl Poems, Stories, tidbits, jokes, etc Posted: Mar 6, 2010 at 12:52 PM
if this is posted in this collection elsewhere please let me know:
Dear Horse (author unknown)
I love you very much, and I truly cherish your presence in my life. I would never wish to criticize you in any way. However, there are a few trivial details regarding our relationship that I think might bear your consideration.
First of all, I am already aware that horses can run faster than I can. I do not need you to demonstrate that fact each time I come to get you in from the field.
Please remember that I work long and hard to earn the money to keep you in the style to which you have become accustomed. In return, I think you should at least pretend to be glad to see me, even when I'm carrying a bridle instead of a bucket of feed.
It should be fairly obvious to you that I am a human being who walks on only two legs. I do not resemble a scratching post. Do not think that, when you rub your head against me with 1,000 pounds of force behind it, I believe that it wasn't your intention to send me flying. I am also aware that stomping on my toes while you are pushing me around is nothing but adding injury to insult.
I understand I cannot expect you to cover your nose when you sneeze, but it would be appreciated if you did not inhale large amounts of dirt and manure prior to aiming your sneezes at my face and shirt. Also, if you have recently filled your mouth with water you do not intend to drink, please let it all dribble from your mouth BEFORE you put your head on my shoulder. Â In addition, while I know you despise your worming medication, my intentions in giving it to you are good, and I really do not think I should be rewarded by having you spit half of it back out onto my shirt.
Sometimes, I get the feeling that you are confused about the appropriate roles you should play in various situations. One small bit of advice: Your stone-wall imitation should be used when I am mounting and your speed-walker imitation when I suggest that we proceed on our way, not vice versa. Please also understand that jumping is meant to be a mutual endeavor. By "mutual", I mean that we are supposed to go over the jump together. You were purchased to be a mount, not a catapult.
I know the world is a scary place when your eyes are on the sides of your head, but I did spend a significant amount of money to buy you, and I have every intention of protecting that investment. Therefore, please consider the following when you are choosing the appropriate behavior for a particular situation:
When I put your halter on you, attach one end of a lead rope to the halter, and tie the other end of the lead rope to a post or ring or whatever, I am indicating a desire for you to remain in that locale. I would also like the halter, lead rope, post, etc., to remain intact. While I admit that things like sudden loud noises can be startling, I do not consider them to be acceptable excuses for repeatedly snapping expensive new lead ropes (or halters or posts) so that you can run madly around the yard creating havoc in your wake. Such behavior is not conducive to achieving that important goal that I know we both share --- decreasing the number of times the veterinarian comes out to visit you.
By the same token, the barn aisle was not designed for the running of the Derby and is not meant to serve as a racetrack. Dragging me down the aisle in leaps and bounds is not how "leading" is supposed to work, even if someone happens to drop a saddle on the floor as we're passing. Pulling loose and running off is also discouraged (although I admit it does allow you to run faster).
I assure you that blowing pieces of paper do not eat horses. While I realize you are very athletic, I do not need a demonstration of your ability to jump 25 feet sideways from a standing start while swapping ends in midair, nor am I interested in your ability to emulate both a racehorse and a bucking bronco while escaping said piece of paper. Also, if the paper w
In anticipation of Memorial Day... Posted: Apr 17, 2010 at 12:12 PM
A Soldier Died Today…
He was getting old and paunchy And his hair was falling fast, And he sat around the Legion, Telling stories of the past.
Of a war that he once fought in And the deeds that he had done, In his exploits with his buddies; They were heroes, every one.
And 'tho sometimes to his neighbors His tales became a joke, All his buddies listened quietly For they knew where of he spoke.
But we'll hear his tales no longer, For ol' Bob has passed away, And the world's a little poorer For a Soldier died today.
He won't be mourned by many, Just his children and his wife. For he lived an ordinary, Very quiet sort of life.
He held a job and raised a family, Going quietly on his way; And the world won't note his passing, 'Tho a Soldier died today.
When politicians leave this earth, Their bodies lie in state, While thousands note their passing, And proclaim that they were great.
Papers tell of their life stories From the time that they were young But the passing of a Soldier Goes unnoticed, and unsung.
Is the greatest contribution To the welfare of our land, Some jerk who breaks his promise And cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow Who in times of war and strife, Goes off to serve his country And offers up his life?
The politician's stipend And the style in which he lives, Are often disproportionate, To the service that he gives.
While the ordinary Soldier, Who offered up his all, Is paid off with a medal And perhaps a pension, small.
It's so easy to forget them, For it is so many times That our Bobs and Jims and Johnnys, Went to battle, but we know,
It is not the politicians With their compromise and ploys, Who won for us the freedom That our country now enjoys.
Should you find yourself in danger, With your enemies at hand, Would you really want some cop-out, With his ever waffling stand?
Or would you want a Soldier-- His home, his country, his kin, Just a common Soldier, Who would fight until the end.
He was just a common Soldier, And his ranks are growing thin, But his presence should remind us We may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict, We find the Soldier's part Is to clean up all the troubles That the politicians start.
If we cannot do him honor While he's here to hear the praise, Then at least let's give him homage At the ending of his days.
Perhaps just a simple headline In the paper that might say: "OUR COUNTRY IS IN MOURNING, A SOLDIER DIED TODAY."
****
Pass On The Patriotism! YOU can make a difference
****************************** A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to The United States for an amount "up to and including my life."
That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it
